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I just finished this book! It not only exceeded my expectations, it challenged my parenting paradigm. Not that I am going to run out and change the way I do everything parenting, just challenged the way I see my kids’ behaviors and how I react to them. The basic premise of this book is that there are only two primary emotions: Love and fear. Every behavior, every emotion, and every response begin with one of these two emotions. With this state of mind, Heather T. Forbes and B. Bryan Post teach how to recognize “Feedback loops” where the child exhibits a negative behavior based upon fear, the parent regresses into their own state of fear (exhibited by anger for example) and the cycle continues until someone breaks it. They break down the “Traditional views” of these behaviors and replace them with “New views” based upon the original premise of the two primary emotions. I enjoyed the real life stories and question and answer section of this book. I also appreciate how the authors are scientific but most of what they say did not go over my head. If you are struggling with a child who may or may not have a traumatic background, I definitely recommend this book. And, I’m looking forward to diving into volume two of this series after the new year!
If you are familiar with The Connected Child, you might be interested in this one too! I’m currently working my way through The Connected Child again and can’t wait to dive into this one when I’m done. Karen Purvis and Lisa Qualls are, in my opinion, the best resources when it comes to childhood trauma and foster care. I’ll let you know what I think!